This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Randomize
