why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Randomize
