The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
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