I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
And then my night got REAL pukey
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize