I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
