Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(916): View more from California

put your butt on the phone this is a booty call

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(217): View more from Illinois

Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?

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(920): View more from Wisconsin

You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.

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(701): View more from North Dakota

She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed

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(607): View more from New York

im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.

(607): View more from New York

way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses

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(603): View more from New Hampshire

just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?

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(812): View more from Indiana

I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.

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(617): View more from Massachusetts

Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger

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(909): View more from California

I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.

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