i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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