Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
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