either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
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