What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
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