T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
