he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
zippers are such a cool invention
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Randomize
