You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Randomize
