a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
