dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
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