remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
