thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
