I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize
