I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
