Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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