Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Randomize
