Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
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