I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
