I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Randomize
