HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
