That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
you would pick up someone in the library
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
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