He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
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