NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
