I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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