I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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