Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
