So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
