i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
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