my mouth tastes like poor choices
this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Randomize
