Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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