did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
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