i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
