Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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