Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Randomize
