yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
