What did we do last night that was yellow?
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
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