just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Randomize
