Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
the raccoons are back...
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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