this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
Randomize
