He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Randomize
