and next time when you feel me up, do it right
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
