I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Also, beer. Big fan.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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