respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
He had one of those small greek statue penises
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
