Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
