I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
