Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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