based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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