there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Randomize
