planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
