Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
