1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
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