Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Randomize
