I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
