I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Randomize
