im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
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