Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
