His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Randomize
