im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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