You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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