i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
