I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
