Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Randomize
